Right & Wrong / Sinners & Saints
Every day I try to do a little reflecting on life & how things went that day. I usually pray every night before bed & doze off into the abyss. This reflection happened about 5:00 a.m. this morning while I was lying in bed about to get up for the day. My eyes were still closed as I was tossing & turning around telling myself that I should stay in bed for a little longer because I deserve a little extra sleep.
This thought was a little different, a little more spiritual than most. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a God-fearing man & maybe me getting closer with God made me have this thought. But the idea of “Right & Wrong” popped into my head & it eventually led me to the concept of “Sinners & Saints”. Now when I say “Saints”, take that term with a grain of salt. I am not talking about actual hierarchy of the church. I am talking about the people that you deal with on an everyday basis that just simply think they are better than or above you & my lord, these people are the worst.
Now looking back on my life, I can say that I have done A LOT of “Wrong” things & that I am a “Sinner.” I went to a religious school when I was young, been involved in the Baptist church, been to church camps, been baptized, so you can say that I’ve done a lot of things that should have kept me on a righteous path. But I grew up & started hanging out with different people & doing different things. I wasn’t necessarily throwing everything away, but I definitely strayed from the path I was on. I think most of us do as it is a part of life (To the people that didn’t, you did a hell of a job). So, whether it be playing sports or joining a club, we start focusing on things that seem to be the “most” important to us. Luckily the “most” important things tend to change throughout life. But throughout my life of changing & focusing on different things, I always had one hill I was willing to die on & that was what is “Right” & what is “Wrong”.
When I say “Right & Wrong” I don’t mean in the eyes of your local Sheriff, I just mean morally. If Billy wants to grow a weed plant in his garden because he’s a recovering alcoholic, let my man grow a plant. But don’t let the sheriff find out because Billy could find himself behind bars for 10 years, what a criminal that guy is (sarcasm). My dad says that I have always had this tendency of standing for “Right & Wrong”, but I have begun to notice it A LOT more. It happens naturally, just when someone’s actions make you think to yourself “WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT THAT PERSON IS”. The person just going out of their way to be an asshole & inconvenience everyone else, because “It is not my problem”. I see this A LOT in my current line of work.
Example:
A 30yr old wife calls in asking about life insurance for herself. She doesn’t know anything about it, but she knows it is the right thing to do. After asking some questions I find out that:
A) She doesn’t work (not the breadwinner)
B) She has 5 kids & 3 of them have disabilities (cost of proper schooling & care is astronomical)
C) Her husband is on the road all day (the most dangerous thing we do is get in our vehicles every day)
So after my few basic questions, my recommendation would be that the husband get a life insurance policy because if something happens to him, then they are basically S.O.L. He made around $100,000/yr with little benefits. The policy was a 20 Year Term with a death benefit of $500,000 (Cost about $50/month - Which is a super good deal). She said that she would talk to her husband & get back to me with a decision. Well, I didn’t hear from her for a couple of weeks, so I decided to reach out to her & see if there was any update & boy, did she give me an update. The update was her & her husband were getting a divorce. The reason for the divorce, is that she had the conversation with her husband & her husband blatantly said that “I am not getting a life insurance policy, once I am gone, you all are on your own”. This man said that to his wife & 5 kids. I don’t give a shit about the life insurance, what a fucking scumbag that fella is. Married a woman, brought 5 kids into this world & couldn’t give a shit what happens to them in the end. Leaving no hope, no desire for their betterment, no light at the end of the tunnel. Just handing her a pile of shit & saying “Here you go, enjoy”. Well clearly that made the wife think about a few things & she came to the conclusion “That is WRONG”.
I see that all the time. Just morally a bad person. That brings me back to comparing myself to other people. Have I done bad things, yes. Have I hurt people’s feelings, yes. But I could never even begin to think like that guy. So how do all of my wrongs compare to this guy’s MAJOR wrong? The “Not my problem, you can figure it out” thought process. Hell, I have life insurance policies on myself where the money goes to my friends (kind of a joke that I played as my thought process was “They will never be able to call you a bad friend” - Kind of a different joke, I know). Now my friends don’t know about these policies I have, hell they don’t even know I made this website. I do this shit for the love of the game. But with this, where do I stand in the eyes of the Lord compared to that guy? All of my wrongs definitely add up, but I have tried to be a morally sound person throughout my life. So where does that leave me? Where does that leave people like him?
This led me to “Sinners & Saints”. There are A LOT of sinners & I am one of them. Like I said, I’ve done things that I know I shouldn’t have done & looking back now, do I regret some of those things? ABSOLUTELY. But that led me to where I am today. It turned me into the man I am today & thinking the way that I think today. Will this change in the future, I don’t know but might as well do some reflecting while I am here & this is where we get into the nitty gritty of “Sinners & Saints”.
So, do the people that did wrong, reflected on it, & begged for forgiveness stay in the “Sinners” category? Well obviously, if they continue to do the same things over & over again expecting a different result & just asking for the same forgiveness. But what about the people that are changing or trying to change for the better? They did what they did & repented for it. Straying from their previous path & try to get closer to God. Do these people slowly develop into something other than “Sinners” or is that all they will ever be? I like to think that is not the case. Now I am not saying I think all “Sinners” turn into “Saints” once getting closer to God, but do they get their own category? Or do we think of ourselves as “Sinners” for the rest of our lives? Do we continue calling ourselves sinners, so we can know the path to stray from? Knowing where we’ve been, knowing what we did, knowing that in the end no matter what we call ourselves, it isn’t our decision where we end up. So, if “Sinners” do not turn into “Saints” & respectfully do not want to be saints, where do these “Saints” come from?
Anytime I hear the word “Saint” I tend to think of it with a negative connotation. It tends to have a sarcasm about it that you just can’t explain. Now I have met some country folks that I would actually deem as “Saints”, but they don’t make em’ like they used to. Just an all-around great person that brightens your life & couldn’t do wrong no matter how hard they tried. But “Saints” in the everyday life, who are these people? Why is their thought process the way it is? Was it their parents doing? Was it a Kindergarten teacher that made a joke once? What is it that gets into these people to allow them to have the brain chemistry that makes them think they are better than everyone no matter the circumstance? The “Don’t you know who I am?” people. Do these “Saints” really think they are perfect?
I tend to notice these types of people tend to be VERY materialistic. Not saying you can’t like nice things but chill out with the Kardashian lifestyle. I’d have to think for someone to act this way, they simply haven’t been involved in any religion for a second. Or simply have never been around anyone with manners. I feel like it’s not hard to be a genuine person that isn’t the biggest piece of shit in the world. But hey, look at the world we live in now. You most likely work with the exact person I am describing. So, what do these people think happens in the end? Do they think they are going to get a bigger casket or greener grass by the headstone? Maybe, but the important question lies before the funeral arrangements are made. Do they not think they’re day will come where they stand before the Almighty at the pearly gates & not get their ass handed to them? I know the big fella is going to wear my ass out & have me saying “Thank you sir, may I have another.” I have come to see that reality. I know my day will eventually come, & I am ready for it. These “Saints” on the other hand, boy oh’ boy are they in for a treat. All of the belittlement, the arrogance, the envy, the superiority complex where they think they are God. They could do no wrong. At least that is how they see it. I wonder how the Lord will see it.
This all just leads back to me just being a “Sinner” because here I am asking the questions. Here I am making judgements upon myself and others, constantly comparing. This is something that I am working on because it isn’t a competition against other people, it is a competition with yourself. Trying to be less of a “Sinner” & staying far from the “Saints”, right in that sweet spot. But is the sweet spot the place to be? In my eyes it is, because I can feel confident & less conflicted in my daily life. Knowing I am on this floating rock till God say’s “Your time is up”. Hopefully God is alright with my sweet spot & hopefully the spot keeps getting sweeter. Count your blessings every day & try to be a kind person even though it might be difficult.
Destin Smith
“C’mon in, boys. The water is fine…” - Delmar “O’Brother Where Art Thou?”
